20120809

Dream Drop Distance

How could I explain these thoughts and feelings?... I've been alone all day, of course, I didn't wake up like this, but nevertheless it surely is not a nice feeling. Since I arrived at Mexico City (because I needed to get my problem with ingrown toenails checked again), I've been staying at my aunt Lucelena's house. At first, the purpose was to spend some quality time with my cousin Itzel, since she seemed to be so eager to see me. Nicté was staying with her too, she didn't seem to feel very excited with my presence. I don't know why she doesn't like me, and it's quite annoying to hear of the past, fun and pretty experiences they've had with my cousin Simon, mainly. Both of them love him, and Simon's sister and Juanito, along with them else, always get together when they got the opportunity on their hands. It doesn't matter if I'm there and they haven't seen me in years, they simply don't like me that much, and I don't know why. They really know how to make me feel like a black sheep or the ugly duckling. Well, the Rivera family in general is like that. In my opinion they are a rather conservative, traditionalist and religious-like group. Sure, they are warm-hearted and stuff, but they can get closed in their attitudes, they know how to exclude very well. I have kind of understood why Alejandra left them all, even the country: she was incredibly tired, and maybe felt like there would be no progress in her personal life and development with these people. I feel the same, many times. I have always felt, inside, that I don't really belong here. The house is set very far away from the city, to the south. It's set in a poor community; "poor" in more than one meaning. Lucelena seems like a nice and sweet woman, but I knew she must have had some personal problems to deal with. The kind of problems that can make a relationship difficulted, as in emotional stability and serenity. I enjoy watching Avatar: The Last Airbender whenever I get the chance, with her, but that seems to be all there is. She spends all day outside, and leaves me all by myself in her house (the second floor, the lower one is actually being occupied by people who pay the rent, and it was all hers and Gabriel's many years ago, when José de Jesús used to be alive). It really indignates me that she feels there's no problem if she leaves me to do whatever to kill boredom in a house with literally no food and, if I get hungry, I don't know where the hell to go in this town since I'm not familiar with the surroundings; it's a Russian-roulette to go outside at night, I guess. I'm afraid to tell her how I feel about this scenario because I don't want any more trouble to deal with. She's one of the few people who can offer me a "shelter" in the state, the others have left me or the situation is not favorable for me to be comfortable and capable of doing what I need to do. Actually, it isn't that nice here either, it's not like I can ask her to take me to El Péndulo so easily, or a mall or the cinema, which I'd love to. Gerardo... I saw him as a friend, I was deceived, apparently. From where I am right now, which is on the "living-room"s table with my laptop, in the day I can appreciate the far away mounts, covered with endless trees of green, below a sky of shiny clouds, radiant blue and fleeting shadows. Yes, the landscape is nice, I don't have the opportunity to see something like this over there on Querétaro. The house indicates poverty, untidiness and broken dreams everywhere. I wish my aunt wasn't living with this, but I can only worry for myself right now. Since I've been alone all this time, I've spent most of it in the computer. It really is getting old and used: the system's getting slow and laggy or defective in its working and processing of information and tasks, the dust inside the object, between other issues I desperately need to work on but, since I'm more than a procrastinator (I'm a depressed individual), I haven't seemed to take the thing to someone who knows how to get it back to a state that resembles newness. With the fact that this piece of modern technology can help me a lot with the storage and visualization of content such as music, photos, videos, documents, applications and programs that serve my interests and tastes in such a way that comforts, understands me and puts my mind in better places, it is imperative I keep it as best-cared as possible. I, of course, wish I had the opportunity to save money to buy one that finally meets my expectations and makes me feel like I'm getting into the life I dream with, but my situation and myself are blocking enemies. "Someone, help me!", I think strongly and sigh hopelessly. This world makes me tired ad nauseam. Late in the day I came across the idea of searching for videos in Youtube about the new Kingdom Hearts game that came out some days ago: Dream Drop Distance, AKA "3D". I always think it's special to actually own one of the episodes of the saga... I used to own the 358/2 Days, but I lost it, along with the Nintendo DS I used to play it, probably inside the bus I used to travel back home or the last taxi. I remember how I became desperate and shocked and awful sad when I discovered it was gone: one of the few things that kept me from killing myself and finally leaving this world of infinite crap and disillusion. I lost my Xbox with the move from Mérida, but I still own the few videogames I had. It seems I lost a major old-friend too... The introduction of the game was obviously fantastic: the music was of high-class and the scenes were very emotive. I just sat there, staring at the screen with static eyes and an inert mind, wondering how it would be to finally get myself a Nintendo 3DS and start playing the videogame, forgetting about the rest of the world and its demands and just diving into the story. To just dive in a world I've always wanted to experience but had never had the chance, disgracefully and obviously in a ginormous manner. Somewhere that will stop making me heave sighs of loneliness and lack of hope in my future. Somewhere far away from this island forgotten in between thousands of miles of salty waters, below a merciless sun and freezing, starless nights. To finally be heard by God and become who I yearn for, and to immerse into the world or reality I fight to keep in mind in this world and finally have that dream lifestyle and meet those very special and important peoples. Sora... How I admire him. How I'd love to live a story like his, and meet friends like his. Friends like that of Harry's, Twilight Sparkle's, Lizzie McGuire's, Korra's or Aang's... I've always wanted to be the kind of character that Harry, Sora, Quentin (Coldwater) play: The hero, The chosen one. That's because I feel I should become that because of the kind of heart I received, but also for the sake of an interesting story. I ask myself without answer or sign of understanding from the outside world, sometimes the inside one too, how to find the "magical world", the reality where dreams come true, where anything is possible, where fantasy is not fantasy anymore, where I can fire-bend and have a magic wand and fly, etc. There should be information about it, somewhere on this planet; somebody has to know, someone should understand what I seek and yearn for. I shall find my wolf-pack, the ones that are like me and redeem all the days I thought I was an insane outsider of society, a simple dreamer, lost in a world of productivity, cold-thinking and cold hearts of individuals who've forgotten they were once children with noble desires and heavenly expectations. I never seem to find my place, I never seem to be truly and fully understood, helped, that they really got my back. Is this the world I was meant to live in? Who am I? I hate the little sentence that reads "What we think, we become" because it means my perdition and that's because I'm a pessimist and self-hating person with a major lack of help and support. Fuck them very much for their apathy and arrogance of having no need other than to occupy themselves with their own lives and close relationships, because they're "fine". How am I, you say? Do you want to listen to the socially-acceptable response, or the true and transparent one? Would you give a shit about me, anyways? Would you stay with me on the boat, or would you jump and hop on another I don't even seem to believe it actually owns an existence? I keep flying away from the point, which was to describe what KH3D inspires within me. The animations are flashy and colorful, the essence of the incoming story is always captivating, but there's something more: When I first started getting officially curious about the Dreams topic and their respective Lucidity, the movie Inception didn't seem to take long to appear. I was intensely surprised, confused and excited about it, since the writer of my book seemed to leave me a little existential present that symbolized affinity and compassionate understanding of my journey for search, and understanding and creation of myself in this life. I think it's cool or nice that the protagonist of The World Ends With You got a cameo in the game. It starts off well, it goes well. I just wish I had the chance of getting it! Of getting back an Xbox and feel like I'm young, somehow, with this geeky lifestyle involving technology and some pop-culture! Also, I love the feeling that Dream Drop Distance is set in some kind of dream. My Author should have become merciful with me again, and I'm really thankful for that. I'm not thankful for my life and myself in general, though. I think too many times that it would be incredibly good for me to acquire the habit of reading, probably real writing too. Believe me when I say "I'd like to be one of those folks who spend hours in front of a book and seem to rejoice in it", but I believe I shall visit a psychologist who can help and guide me in defeating my mental issues and obstacles that prevent me from grabbing a book, IMAGINING or studying, just to exemplify some. I'd LOVE to be an oneironaut, but guess what: in order to become a master of the art about it, I need to study the course my mother bought for me after I asked for it. It simply is so fucking difficult to sit down and patiently read and think and memorize about what I just learned. I so wish it wasn't like that, but what can I do? Was I really created that why, or did I create myself this way? I believe it is the second option, but in that case I wouldn't know what I should do to progress, personally speaking. Vanilla Sky got on air too many times on Infinito, the channel, in order for it to be something not worthy of getting curious about. Every night I wish to visit my Secret Garden and just fly and paint what I go through... It doesn't seem to matter that I really like watching the Avatar series, or that I feel deeply connected to it, my laziness and distraction steers me away from the responsibility it personally represents. My words are almost never enough to make me feel fully satisfied about my needs to express myself, and I'm guessing it's because I'm not really talking to someone who truly cares about me.

THE TRIO OF ROXAS, AXEL AND XION, AS SEEN ORIGINALLY IN 358/2 DAYS, NOW IN DREAM DROP DISTANCE. (I yearned to see Xion in this game.)

20120807

Cokerno

http://www.urbeskate.com/videos/urbeskatePlayer.swf?elvideo=cokernopromo.flv
Este vídeo es de la época cuando iba a la escuela secundaria, como dice el título. De la época cuando me sentía encantado por el skateboarding. No es que ya no me guste, de hecho todavía me fascina, pero el problema es que ya no toco mi patineta. Supongo que se me hizo un deporte demasiado difícil y socialmente complicador como para no sólo practicarlo regularmente, sino dedicarle mi vida, al menos la de la juventud. Probablemente me encontré con este vídeo por una revista corta que vendían en la tienda de skateboarding que quedaba cerca de la casa de mi amigo Diego. Era más un panfleto. Cuando salía a patinar con él siempre terminaba por recordar esos momentos con cariño, ya que eran algo especiales para mí. Él me inspiraba siempre energías de juventud que me incitaban a olvidar la seriedad de los días y simplemente divertirme, con Bam Margera siendo el mayor representante de la mentalidad en la que andaba, lo cual no era exactamente malo. De hecho para nada, y estábamos bastante lejos de alcanzar ese estilo de vida. Extraño mucho a mi amigo. Ahora será casi imposible vernos, con el cambio de ciudad. De todos modos eran pocas las ocasiones en las que nos veíamos fuera de clases escolares, pero casi siempre era bonito. Tienen razón los que me advierten de que no tengo derecho a convertir a las personas en individuos que piensen y actúen como a mí me parece o gusta, pero debo decir que quisiera que él hubiera cooperado más en cuanto a invitarme a hacer cosas. Digo, se suponía que era mi amigo. En cuanto al vídeo, ahora por fin opinaré al respecto, lo describiré con las palabras que salgan de mi mente. Sí, me distraje. Siempre lo vi con gafas oníricas, (me parecía demasiado "alejado" de lo que se espera de un vídeo de esta clase. Es decir que siempre me dio la impresión de haber salido de un sueño, de ser demasiado "romántico".) Para empezar, ¿por qué meter perros en un vídeo de skateboarding? También los lugares se ven interesantes, y la manera en que, al final, se detallan las locaciones donde se grabó, no sé... Es como surreal, como alguna de las escenas antes de abrir los ojos por la mañana. Y la escena del final, la que muestra los interiores de una casa por menos de un segundo, es simplemente misteriosa, y lo deja a uno pensando. Digo, no era un trailer del vídeo oficial, sino que éste era lo único que había, me parece; ¿entonces por qué mostrar esa escena final, que parece cortada? Eran los tiempos del Loyola, y principios del Piaget. La época cuando se suponía que la energía de la adolescencia comenzaba a correr por mis venas, como caballos sueltos en amplias praderas de un verde incansable. Se suponía, y vivía como dormido en la ilusión de vivir una vida "normal", que todo andaba como debía, que iba por el camino correcto y que los problemas que solía tener con la gente, con esos llamados "amigos", eran sólo producto de una imaginación bizarra.